Some decisions are hard.
Some come easily.
Others are terrifying.
At times heartbreaking.
Our most recent decision was all four combined into one entangled emotion. As many of you know we have spent that few weeks in Ethiopia. Our trip and path to Ethiopia was not like any other we had seen from adoptive families. We had 24 hours notice to board a plane and make our way over to Addis Ababa. As we began our layover in Dubai, we were met with the hard information that Federal MOWA had closed, however there was not a whole lot of certainty as to whether or not it would affect our case because we simply needed a vital records letter, not an actual Federal MOWA letter. We tried to stay positive, trusting that God was getting us into Ethiopia in record speed, we were hopefully He would not allow us to get caught up in the mess that was about to transpire here in the adoption realm of Ethiopia.
Court came quickly. We took custody of our son because at the time there was still an issuing of vital record letters and our agency was told that ours would be issued. That night, after we had our first meal with our little guy, we learned that we would not receive a letter that would allow us to leave the country with our son. Having already taken custody, we realized that we were in it for the long haul. We have begged God to allow our letter to be issued, but it does not appear as if we are going to be given that letter, so the decision has been made. That hard, easy, terrifying, and heartbreaking decision. Todd will be returning to the states to care for the rest of our crew and I will remain in Ethiopia to fight to bring home a son who is legally ours by both Ethiopian and American law. We sat before a judge almost 2 weeks ago and promised to take care of Mulubirhan. Promised to treat him like our own. Promised not to leave him.
So here I sit.
I will be completely honest, I do not know how to move forward from this point, other than one day at at a time. Yes. I know that God is writing our story. That God's timing is perfect. That there is a purpose and a plan, but in this moment I feel blinded. Trust me when I say that I know that God is writing a beautiful story, one far greater than I could ever imagine, but in this moment it is hard for my heart to see. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around. It is hard thinking that I will likely be here for at least another month. This will be my outlet, my time to share what God is doing in these tough moments. Those sacred moments that reveal how God continues to challenge and change my heart, soul, strength and mind.