Change is inevitable.
Change is a sign of growth.
Change is necessary for growth.
I have started my journey to change now.
Not waiting until Monday or the New Year.
I have started with 39 days left in 2021.
I have become the most unhealthy version of myself over the last 12 months. I have allowed so much negativity to enter into my life and damn near destroy me. Mentally I struggle to find my why, to find myself. Emotionally I wonder if I am doing enough or if I am doing it right because the aimless wandering has become exhausting. I struggle with what is supposed to come next, what I am supposed to be doing, how I am supposed to be growing. I am hard on myself. I feel defeated, frustrated, sad. I wonder why I am a constant state of stress, fear and anxiety. I contemplate why growth seems to be ever evasive, never showing up, never healing the darkest parts of my soul.
I make an immense effort to smile.
I make an immense effort to see gratitude.
I make an immense effort to find happiness.
Not because I am disingenuous or inauthentic, but because I deeply want to experience change and healing.
I ache for healing.
I long for understanding.
I deeply want direction in my life.
Not because I am trying to force the journey, but because I just want to experience freedom within the journey.
I embrace the loneliness.
I have conversations with anyone who will listen about mental health.
I talk with my kids about my road towards healing.
I don't apologize for my inadequacies, but help people understand the struggles.
I let go when people do not understand it.
I LONG for my soul to be in a state of peace.
I am releasing the addictions - which is far more difficult than I thought it would be.
I am releasing the struggles.
I am releasing the negativity.
I am releasing the shortcomings.
I am finding my footing.
I am finding my souls state of peace.
I am finding myself.
I am finding my courage.
I am finding freedom.
I am manifesting my dreams.