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Change is inevitable.

Change is a sign of growth.

Change is necessary for growth.

I have started my journey to change now.

Not waiting until Monday or the New Year.

I have started with 39 days left in 2021.

I have become the most unhealthy version of myself over the last 12 months. I have allowed so much negativity to enter into my life and damn near destroy me. Mentally I struggle to find my why, to find myself. Emotionally I wonder if I am doing enough or if I am doing it right because the aimless wandering has become exhausting. I struggle with what is supposed to come next, what I am supposed to be doing, how I am supposed to be growing. I am hard on myself. I feel defeated, frustrated, sad. I wonder why I am a constant state of stress, fear and anxiety. I contemplate why growth seems to be ever evasive, never showing up, never healing the darkest parts of my soul.

I make an immense effort to smile.

I make an immense effort to see gratitude.

I make an immense effort to find happiness.

Not because I am disingenuous or inauthentic, but because I deeply want to experience change and healing.

I ache for healing.

I long for understanding.

I deeply want direction in my life.

Not because I am trying to force the journey, but because I just want to experience freedom within the journey.

I embrace the loneliness.

I have conversations with anyone who will listen about mental health.

I talk with my kids about my road towards healing.

I don't apologize for my inadequacies, but help people understand the struggles.

I let go when people do not understand it.

I LONG for my soul to be in a state of peace.

I am releasing the addictions - which is far more difficult than I thought it would be.

I am releasing the struggles.

I am releasing the negativity.

I am releasing the shortcomings.

I am finding my footing.

I am finding my souls state of peace.

I am finding myself.

I am finding my courage.

I am finding freedom.

I am manifesting my dreams.

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